Their Opinions Do Not Matter
The Stoics on judgments and changing perspective
The Stoics on judgments and changing perspective
How often have you felt yourself wondering what someone else thinks of you? Have you felt yourself changing your actions, or proposed actions, based upon what you felt others would say or feel?
Biologically, others’ opinions of us have played an important role. When we were hunters and gathers, others’ opinions of us were a great resource to try and protect ourselves. We truly needed others to like us because we risked the possibility of being thrown out of our tribe, or worse, killed. The more we did our job and were in alignment with the rest of the tribe, the safer we were. Those who went against the status quo were often cast out of the tribe, which meant you would most likely die on your own.
Today, the internet connects us across the entire world. Over 40% of all people worldwide have access to the internet. Social media, email, and technology in general keep us connected at a level that our reptilian brain cannot keep up with. It craves to be liked still even though you won’t be cast from a tribe with nowhere else to go.
It is hardwired into us to care about how others view us and what their opinions of us are. But if it prevents us from performing, from trying to be the best we can be, then it becomes a hindrance.
Epictetus once stated to a student:
“Free is the person who lives as he wishes and cannot be coerced, impeded or compelled, whose impulses cannot be thwarted, who always gets what he desires and never has to experience what he would rather avoid.”
We must understand that working to please everyone is a flawed mental model. It is impossible. Everyone has their own opinions of things and those opinions will be in opposition at times to you and your own. This doesn’t mean you should stop voicing your opinion and sharing.
Does it truly matter anymore about what some people say? Maybe people tell you they don’t like you or your ideas. Or maybe they talk about you behind your back. But does this really matter?
Epictetus would say no, it doesn’t, and teaching his students, he showed exactly how he’d respond:
“If that person really knew me and my flaws they’d have said something much, much worse.”
It is best to shrug off the opinions of others and move on working to better yourself. Yes, you can respond to these individuals, yes, you can try to persuade them to your way of thinking, but your actions are what speak, not really your words.
Opposition or adversity to ones self is natural and happens to everyone. Seneca writes that if you’ve passed through life without any opposition, you’d never truly know what you were capable of.
There’s more important things to focus on than others’ opinions.
“Tranquility… comes,” Marcus Aurelius wrote to himself, “when you stop caring what they say. Or think, or do. Only what you do.”
Focus on your actions and let those speak.
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