The Transformative Self
How the experiences we have reshape the person we are
“Become who you are by learning who you are.”
-Pindar
At some point in each of our lives, we will encounter an experience that completely shifts the world for us. Sometimes these crossroads are anticipated such as deciding to have children and understanding that the world we knew will no longer be, that our world will take on new meaning and new experiences. Other times, it will rock us off course, punch us in the gut, and completely knock us to the ground, like the unexpected death of a loved one or the sudden loss of a job.
Each of these events, and hundreds of thousands of others like them, are common to human existence. But just because they are common and occur to everyone does not mean that they are easy. On the contrary, many of these events are incredibly difficult to overcome. But even with their difficult nature, they have the ability to completely transform our lives and provide opportunities for a greater understanding of ourselves.
The key to each and every one of these experiences is not only recognizing them as they are happening, but to embrace the possibility of what they can hold. Each of these events involves change and change is an incredibly scary experience. Change abandons the old well-worn path and puts us on a new one, filled with possibilities, yes, but also unknowns. And this can be incredibly intimidating.
The philosopher L.A. Paul, whose work largely surrounds the notion of the self changing, describes these experiences as transformative because they are “momentous” -- they go on to shape not only who we are, but also the things we put our attention to and care about.
“By transforming us, they structure the nature and meaning of our lives and the lives of others. They change us, and in the process they reveal ourselves to ourselves, as we recreate ourselves in response to the experience. They make us who we are.”
According to Paul, we are transformed by these experiences in two ways. The first is that it can shift who we are and what we know. And the second is that the experience actually transforms us in a way that shifts a value or belief that is core to who we are. As Paul states, these experiences cannot be substituted by second-hand knowledge (such as asking friends if you should have kids) -- they must be experienced first-hand. It is from this first-hand experience that we come to understand the shift, that we actually learn and build our wisdom.
“By having it, the experience teaches you something you could not have learned without having that kind of experience. When the experience teaches you what that kind of experience is like, and gives you new abilities to imagine, recognize, and imaginatively model possible states involving that kind of experience.”
These experiences push us further into ourselves, forcing us to examine and continually re-examine what we’re made of, what our held beliefs are, what we lean on for strength. The experiences shape the lives we knew and transform them into something else -- what that other life is is up to us.
Epictetus taught his students that every situation had two handles, “one making it supportable and the other insupportable.” By growing from these experiences, we are taking the handle that best benefits us and our future.
Most of our life is a slow awakening to ourselves and our understanding of how to handle the world. These transformative experiences make those awakenings quicker if you are open to them. As the famous Delphic maxim goes, we must work to know ourselves and it is through these experiences, through these transformative periods that we get closer to who we are, to what we believe.
Thank you again for reading and I hope you found this useful. Please feel free to heart, comment, or ask questions about this post. Suggestions are always appreciated and considered.
Until next week,
D.A. DiGerolamo