The Key to Lasting Change
Keep the chain
It would be great if during the New Year, the resolutions we made were able to be accomplished. Unfortunately, what happens to many of us is we set resolutions for ourselves, we promise to change or do something different, and in a lot of cases we do for a while. But then we hit a roadblock and it throws our progress off course.
Seneca would remind us that with every action we take, we should anticipate that something could go wrong to provide resistance.
“Everything might happen,” he wrote, “anticipate everything.”
We swear off sugar, then go to a party and are surrounded by sweets; we say this is the year I get in shape, then don’t go to the gym because it is raining. These are obstacles that appear in the path of our pursuit to change, yet how we react to them dictates our future success. Every time we give in to these obstacles, it slowly chips away at the resolve we had in the beginning of the year to accomplish the goals and make lasting change.
James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, explains:
“Making a choice that is 1 percent better or 1 percent worse seems insignificant in the moment, but over the span of moments that make up a lifetime these choices determine the difference between who you are and who you could be. Success is the product of daily habits — not once-in-a-lifetime transformations.”
This is because our choices over time compound and build upon each other. When we slip-up once, we tend to rationalize the slip-up, remind ourselves it is okay, and move on. But unless we look at the underlying reason for why the slip-up occurred in the beginning, and takes steps to prevent it from occurring in the future, then the next time the opportunity comes, it will be easier to slip-up.
Our actions are chains of events, for good and for bad. The comedian Jerry Seinfeld used this basic premise to perfect his joke writing. He would keep a calendar on his wall and every day he wrote a joke, he would put a big red X through the date. After a week, he had a chain of Xs. This tactic helped him to visually see the progress he was making.
“Just keep at it and the chain will grow longer every day,” he said. “You’ll like seeing that chain, especially when you get a few weeks under your belt. Your only job next is to not break the chain.”
Obstacles will always be there. They are moments to stop and reflect upon why we are doing what we’re doing. As Marcus Aurelius summarized to himself:
“Just as nature takes every obstacle, every impediment, and works around it — turns it to its purposes, incorporates it into itself — so, too, a rational being can turn each setback into raw material and use it to achieve its goal.”
To have lasting change, see the obstacle that stands before you and determine how it is there to help you advance, not hinder. By changing our views of obstacles and seeing them as doors rather than walls, we can accomplish the goals we set and continue on the path to lasting change.