Simple Stoic Advice
Not control, but influence
On Reason
Not control, but influence
The beautiful thing about Stoic philosophy is the advice contained within it is just as applicable today as it was when it was first written all those many years ago. We can learn a great deal from interpreting the advice provided and using it to our advantage as we go throughout our own lives.
Today’s quote comes to us courtesy of Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 9.11:
Quote
“Convince them not to. If you can. And if not, remember: the capacity for patience was given to us for a reason.”
Advice
There is a misconception developed at some point within our lives that tells us we have the ability to control the world around us. Perhaps it comes from our watching titans of industries such as Bill Gates or Elon Musk rise up and create world-changing empires. Or perhaps it is just innate within each of us from infancy.
But in either event, at some point, we developed the notion that if we push, rant and rave, negotiate, or persuade, we could get our way, that we in fact had the ability to get anything we wanted.
But when we do not get what we want, it frustrates us, and sometimes, infuriates us.
Epictetus and the Stoics were very specific in the understanding that we in fact do not have control over anything outside of ourselves. Epictetus’s famous quote from the Enchiridion states:
“Some things in the world are up to us, while others are not. Up to us are our faculties of judgment — motivation, desire, and aversion — in short, everything that is our own doing. Not up to us are our body and property, our reputations, and our official positions — in short, everything that is not our own doing.”
And while we cannot control others, we can still influence them. That is within our control. The outcome of our influence may not be within our control, but the attempt to influence is.
William Irvine, author of A Guide to the Good Life, calls this the Trichotomy of Control, the knowledge of what is and is not within our control, but also, what is within our influence.
“Remember that among the things over which we have complete control are the goals we set for ourselves. I think that when a Stoic concerns himself with things over which he has some but not complete control, such as winning a tennis match, he will be very careful about the goals he sets for himself. In particular, he will be careful to set internal rather than external goals. Thus, his goal in playing tennis will not be to win a match (something external, over which he has only partial control) but to play to the best of his ability in the match (something internal, over which he has complete control). By choosing this goal, he will spare himself frustration or disappointment should he lose the match: Since it was not his goal to win the match, he will not have failed to attain his goal, as long as he played his best. His tranquility will not be disrupted.”
— William Irvine, A Guide to the Good Life
Understanding what we do and do not control in life determines what we put our energy towards. So like Marcus stated, we have the ability to attempt to convince them, but if not, then we have reason to understand we cannot force them to do anything.
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