Self Reflection Through Others
How true visibility and freedom is only achievable through the look of another
Mind Candy is a newsletter on practical philosophy and human flourishment—aka how to live the “the good life.” Each month we tackle a new theme.
This month we’re exploring relationships.
In order to live a good life one needs to be reflective about their existence. This does not mean just being attuned to their life and what they’re doing with it, but rather, also includes recognizing one’s self—reflecting on their thoughts, investigating their emotions, and trying to better understand themselves and their actions.
One way to go about this is to try and investigate one’s self through reflection—journaling, contemplating, reflecting.
But can only take us so far.
In order to truly understand ourselves, we need the help of others.
This help comes in many forms.
We talk with friends and they respond to how we act and what we say
We have colleagues and bosses who correct and provide feedback
We have movies which speak to our own issues through stories
We have books and podcasts and so many other ways in which other people help provide us an idea of who we are.
But perhaps it is in fact our mere presence, our living life amongst others in general, that provides us our greatest awareness of the self.
In Jean-Paul Sartre’s masterpiece, Being and Nothingness, he tells us to imagine a jealous individual peering through a keyhole, observing what’s on the other side. As the individual looks on, they are taken in by their actions—that is to say, they do not think about what they’re doing and are simply living their life in accordance with their actions.
“I am my acts and hence they carry in themselves their whole justification. I am a pure consciousness of things…"
But then there’s footsteps close by and the individual realizes they are being observed.
There is now a shift within them. They are no longer just their actions, caught up in the moment. Instead now they are the object of this other person’s view. And it is through their presence that forces the individual into a conscious awareness of their self.
They are now forced out of their act and into reflection of it.
“First of all, I now exist as myself for my unreflective consciousness. It is this irruption of the self which has been most often described: I see myself because somebody sees me...”
This is how others truly help us to see ourselves. We are moved by other individuals into self-consciousness. We see ourselves no longer as us, but rather, as an object to the other person—how we interpret them seeing us.
The person sitting at the keyhole is no longer a jealous lover, rather, they are in the eyes of the observer, a random man being a peeper.
We are forced to interpret the world through our own eyes, but it is from this “look” from others that we see ourselves from a different perspective.
And it is through this power others hold over us, through their ability to make us an object, that we can actually take back control.
When we refuse to be defined by others, we take back the power of the look. When we define who we will be—who we are—then we become free.
But it is only through the hell of others that we can achieve this.
Until next time,
D.A. DiGerolamo
We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.