Autobiographical Memory, Sociality, & Nostalgia’s Perspective
Wednesday Wisdoms for November 20, 2024
Welcome to Wednesday Wisdom, our 3x3 Newsletter where I distill worldly advice for better living with 3 quotes, 3 observations, and 3 questions.
This email forwarded to you? Are you reading the free version? Click below to adjust your subscription.
Autobiographical Memory
🤨 Quote
“Memory itself is a kind of architecture.”
Louise Bourgeois
Source: You Could Make This Place Beautiful
Observation 🧐
Memory is built on the past yet the past is built on memory.
Memory is so important to the individual self because it helps to make up a sense of identity. It is through our history of experiences that we form our autobiographical memory and from it an understanding of ourselves.
The problem is we’re always writing this from scratch, our mind digging around to remember what occurred.
As Alison Gopnik has written, “Our relation to our past goes beyond autobiographical memory; there is something deeper and more metaphysical about it.”
It’s actually through these autobiographical memories, Gopnik writes, that we have a semblance of self.
“Why do we care about the past so much when we can't change it?… Owning our past is so important because it allows us to own our future. In order to plan and act, to envision alternate futures and to intervene to realize them, I need to care deeply about the fate of my future self. This is true even when, perhaps especially when, that future self will be significantly different from my current self.”
It is through this historical record of ourselves that we come to know ourselves, and it is through this knowing and history that we build our future.
🤔 Question
Reflecting back upon your life, how much of your experiences have shaped the person you are today? How will the actions you take today shape your tomorrow?
Sociality
🤨 Quote
“Yes, nostalgia counters social pain. It reminds us that we have social connections even when our social lives are suffering. But more than that, nostalgia helps us restore our social lives.”
Clay Routledge
Source: Past Forward
Observation 🧐
Nostalgia is often brought on by the loss of someone close. Whether it be a relationship ended or the individual is no longer alive, we’re suddenly pulled down by grief, and in turn, open ourselves up to nostalgia’s arrival.
We are flooded with memories of our times with the individual. Their laugh, our shared adventures, lessons learned.
Part of nostalgia’s role is to comfort us during these times of suffering.
But we’re not meant to stay in them.
Nostalgia’s power is in its ability to push us forward and out of the grief.
“By reminding us of fulfilling past social experiences, nostalgia inspires us to prioritize goals that create fulfilling future social experiences,” writes Routledge.
Often these losses remind us that life is ephemeral, “a river, a violent current of events,” writes Marcus Aurelius to himself in the Meditations, “glimpsed once and already carried past us, and another follows and is gone.”
We tend to come out the other side of grief with a newfound appreciation for life and our relationships. And it is nostalgia that helps get us there.
Yes, we may isolate, hide away from the world after a loss, but in learning to properly embrace nostalgia’s role in the loss, we can come out the other side with an understanding for how important relationships are in our lives.
“Nostalgia helps provide clarity and orients our minds toward the thoughts, feelings, goals, and actions that make life meaningful,” writes Routledge.
We don’t have to go it alone.
We shouldn’t go it alone.
We are social creatures. We need support in times of loss.
🤔 Question
How do you manage the balance of nostalgia during times of grief? What actions do you, or can you take to prevent yourself from being held in grief?
Beneath the paywall this week we explore the wisdom of Nora Ephron. Click below to support and get access.